Utah: My Eat, Pray, Love Trip

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I’ve spent the last year on a roller coaster of emotions and self discovery. My separation from my partner of 10 years was no doubt going to be life changing. The uncertainty of that change kept me there longer than I should have ever been. One day I woke up and said this is not the life I want for me, I need to find me. I hit the ground running with my desire to take photography full time and have never looked back. I’ve spent a lot of my pandemic time investing in my photography education. Investing in myself has been the biggest payoff yet.

I have found a home with Unraveled Academy. I owe so much of my creative journey to that community. In November I took my first online retreat with them, Onward. HOLY FREAKING AMAZE BALLS. I learned so much and not just in art but myself. Idara Ekpoh taught a segment that showed me how to feel safe sitting with myself in self portraiture. This became my sacred time for my creative and mental health.

Behind the Scenes

Click on the image to follow me on my adventures through Salt Lake City, Provo, South Jordan, Wendover & Great Saltair.

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Click on the image to see some of my favorites from Utah.

In April I attended my first ever in person photography workshop with Unraveled Academy. This was a huge step outside my comfort zone. I cannnnnnnoootttt be in groups of people I don’t know by myself especially for extended periods of time with little time to hide and reset myself. With Covid still very much a thing, rooming in the same house was not an option which meant for me it was an opportunity to retreat to my own space in the evenings. So a teeny tiny, little bit less scary. In my journey of just fucking. go for it, I went for it. I even had the opportunity to meet and learn from Idara Ekpoh in person. I ugly cried on her and told her how she’s been a part of my healing journey. That moment alone was worth putting my anxiety aside to meet her in person.

Just a few weeks before the UA workshop in Arizona, I decided I wanted to go to Utah to shoot in the Salt Flats and apply my learnings immediately. I have this ever growing list of bucket list locations to shoot at, so I booked a trip to Utah with a loose idea other than I wanted to shoot in the Salt Flats. I started some research and quickly decided to rent these beautiful from Utah Gowns. I ended up renting an Airbnb in Salt Lake City, put out a model call for 6 models, hopped on a plane with my camera gear and the idea of let’s fucking create some bad ass shit. And boy did I create some bad ass shit with the help of 6 amazing people.

I did some location scouting in Salt Lake City on Friday morning. Found a rooftop that I loved but knew we would get kicked off of so walked around a bit longer and ended up finding not only the perfect rooftop but a fire escape we could shoot on. After I found the spots I wanted us to shoot at I drove to pick up the dresses from Utah Gowns. I spent the rest of my day visiting different antique shops looking for props to use in the shoots. I wasn’t super successful and ended up visiting Target and Hobby Lobby to get everything

I met my first model, Shaliana, at the Capitol Building. I brought a pop-up tent for her to change into and we immediately started to play. Once we had all the shots we needed there we took a 10 minute drive to Exchange Place where we spent most our time on the rooftop. We had an encounter with a grumpy Karen who tried to prevent us from getting onto the roof but we found a way! Shaliana killed every single pose. I was on such a damn high from shoot one I didn’t know if the rest of the shoots would come close to filling my creative cup.

The next morning I had scheduled a sunrise couples session with Annee and Cain. I was on California time (one whole hour time difference lol) and barely slept from all the excitement of Shaliana’s shoot. It was about 5am when I went to get myself and the models some coffee. It felt impossible to find us coffee. Coffee didn’t even want to be awake. It was also freezing!!! Between 35-39 degrees. Pulled up to Great Saltair and didn’t realize when I checked the sunrise time, I was in California so when arriving to Utah I was actually an hour early for the sunrise. SMH.

Once the sun just started to light up the sky enough for us to get out of the car I threw open the pop-up tent to get Annee in her dress. She was seriously freezing, teeth chattering while telling me she wasn’t cold at all. Seriously what a champ, but also girl let’s get you warm. We shot the whole thing in maybe 15-20 minutes and got her back in her regular clothes and a heated car.

Fun fact Annee and Cain aren’t actually a couple just really good friends from high school. Both their partners were there with us to support us during the shoot. I really hope they all went out to breakfast after and warmed the fuck up!

I drove straight from Great Saltair to a skatepark in South Jordan. The thermometer on my car was reading colder than sunrise at Saltair. The sun ended up coming out in full force and quickly warmed up the location. Did I mention the sun came out in full force?! Shooting full sun is terrifying for me. I’ve never been super successful at it. At the skatepark I didn’t even stress about it once. It was like everything finally clicked.

I wanted to shoot inside of the skate bowl. I didn’t consider how deep the bowl would be and how my model, Amy, and I would be getting in and out. It was quite comical and if I forgot something I would have to ramp up and run at full speed to jump up. Sometimes it took me more than once. There may be footage of this hiding on my phone. Amy and I great time playing with different angles, I even laid on the ground at one point and had her step over me. Love trying new perspectives.

Between the coffee, 5 hour energy and allllllll the damn excitement from the first three shoots there was no way I was napping. I tried for an hour but could not rest my mind and just sleep. So very annoyed with myself. My afternoon break flew by and all of a sudden it was time to take a two hour drive out to meet Emily and Dalton at the Bonneville Salt Flats. I had planned to arrive a little early to play around in the black dress for some self portraits and find us a spot. I struggled with the wind and decided to just sit on the salt flat. A majority of the photos I chose not to edit I look like a giant loofa. May pass for something during fashion week but I was not feeling it and kept laughing. This was another great opportunity to shoot in full sun and to get my settings dialed in before Emily and Dalton arrived.

These two were up for any wacky idea I proposed to them and even tried some of their own. We experimented with mirrors, iPhones, fractals, frames and even me jumping up on the roof of my car. They did a lot of running holding hands and dancing for me. It’s not often I find male partners wanting to model with their girl and do it so effortlessly. They both were an extreme delight to work with. Every time I thought we were done I would remember something else I wanted to try or they would toss a new idea at me.

Driving home I almost ran out of gas. Didn’t realize there would be zero gas station in a 60 mile radius. To make it even more dramatic there was a collision on the freeway heading back to Salt Lake City that stopped traffic to parking lot status. I have no clue how I made it to any gas station but as soon as I pulled in the car died. Thank you universe for having my back.

At some point during my weekend with the dresses I had this vision of me taking over the top photos in the mauve dress at a laundromat. No clue where this vision came from but I wanted to make it happen. What I didn’t account for is just how embarrassing taking self portraits like this would be with people watching. It was a bit harder than I thought to find a laundromat open on Sunday and when I arrived there was 8 people inside. I couldn’t get myself to go inside with the dress on. I sat outside and even ran to Starbucks to kill time in hopes that people would leave. Slowly but surely people finished up their laundry and I entered with only two people inside. I quickly setup my camera and put the basket where I wanted it and jumped into the dress. I am so happy I had no technical issues. I chose not to use the Canon Connect App and in hindsight I wish I wasn’t so nervous and would have spent more time focused on that. I wasn’t in there very long maybe 20 minutes, possibly less. More people entered. I definitely had one lady filming me and was annoying another man who thought he was in my shots. I was so in my head that I could not create the way I intended to and just wanted to wrap up and get out of there. Even though I was embarrassed I had the best time being so out of my comfort zone.

It was time to return the dresses, check out of my Airbnb and make my way home. I still had some time to kill and wanted to fit in one more shoot with myself. I debated going back to the skatepark since I did bring my roller skates or take myself back to Saltair. Knowing I’m not super efficient on the skates and there would likely be people around, I didn’t want to stress myself out and not be able to create as I intended again. Plus I knew I could always shoot in a skatepark back home. With all that in mind I drove back to Saltair.

I sat with myself on the salty ground and reflected on my entire weekend. The longer I sat there creating with myself I realized I found a version of myself I never knew existed or that wanted to be found. Like hello where have you been all my life!? I’ve fallen in love with her. I’m amazed by her. I’m inspired by her. I’m learning so much from her. Where the hell did she come from? Where the eff has she been hiding? I finally allowed myself to let go of insecurities and embrace the adventure. Damn. is. it. freeing

I started my trip worried my models would not show up. They all surprised me with not only being there with me but supporting me in one of my biggest photography leaps yet. Six months prior I would not have even flattered the idea of taking a solo trip alone to take on a project like this completely by myself. I would have been to afraid to meet people I didn’t know, be alone in a city I wasn’t familiar with, afraid to shoot in all lighting scenarios at all very different locations. I left having made amazing connections, not second guessing myself, creating some of my favorite work to date and finding myself. Utah I will be back.